Ramblings on June 24, 2016

The thing that people don't understand is that transgender people are not trying to gain rights to use the restrooms and locker rooms assigned the opposite gender to get a sneak peek at your privates. They're trying to use them because they are uncomfortable with their birth-assigned gender and are trying to become the person they feel they were meant to be.

I just answered a pre-recorded, extraordinarily transphobic phone call to my parents house. They'd gotten a young girl to record, "Hi, my name is *Lucy* and I don't want boys in my locker room."

I'm ashamed to live in a family that supports these types of things. I can't expect them to understand, though. The closed-mindedness of what seems to be their entire generation is due to the fact that they were raised to believe the way they do, and there was very little awareness of today's issues.

My own mother has told me that she is convinced I've been possessed by the devil for my actions and beliefs after a conversation in which I expressed that I find nothing wrong with homosexuality, and that being transgender is NOT a "publicity stunt".

I can't believe that my own parents, who I once believed to be thoughtful and caring towards everyone, would turn into such monsters inside my own head. My opinion of them has changed so drastically within the last two years that I'm not even sure they're the ones who raised me.

*is super angry* *will expand on this later*

Ramblings on April 5, 2016

I don't think I've ever been as stressed as I am right now in my entire life. If high school is this stressful, I don't even want to think about college. Besides, what's the point? You pay $20k a year, nearly rip all your hair out from stress, and end up with a sheet of paper and $100k in debt. *flips off American education system* But hey, at least you can get a decent job, right?

Wrong.

So many people I know have gone through the process of getting their bachelors degree, and they end up working at Subway for the next God knows how long. So, why is it that everyone seems to think that you can't make it anywhere without a bachelors degree? Surely that makes you overqualified to be working at a Subway. Besides, what's so bad about going to a Community College, not having any debt, and finding a decent job with my degree right afterward? Any job I get with an associates degree holds the promise of promotions and further learning, not just slicing bread all day. (disclaimer: I fucking love Subway. I'm just using it as an example while avoiding the stereotypical McDonald's example.)

I was just offered a job that starts at $15/hour. I was talking to someone the other day about college, and how I think it can be a waste of time and money. The person I was talking to said this to me, "If you think college is so worthless, try getting a good job without it." I replied that I had been offered above stated job, and she cut back with, "$15/hour doesn't get you very far in life. You'll figure that out." That's nearly double what I make at my current job. It'll get me a hell of a lot farther than working in a cafeteria for a bunch of ungrateful bitches. But hey. To each their own. (Said woman I was talking to is my supervisor, by the way.)

For fuck's sake. College is NOT FOR EVERYONE. If you think you have the right to tell someone that they're not going to get anywhere in life if they don't do things the way you did things, maybe you should take a look at your own life first. My supervisor makes only about a dollar an hour more than I do, and only works a few more hours a week than I do. Jee, I'd be doing a hell of a lot better than her if I accepted the job I was just offered. And she has a bachelors degree that isn't even remotely related to cafeteria work. Hm. I see something wrong with her logic. 

So, in conclusion, anyone who thinks that college is necessary to succeed and is trying to tell you that when you've stated outright that you are not interested in the slightest can go fuck themselves. You may not know what you want to do yet, or you may want to work for a while to get some real-life experience. If anyone's trying to pressure you to live your life a certain way, tell them to fuck off. It's your decision, your sanity, and your own path. 

I'm going to end this here before I go completely batshit crazy.

You're all awesome. 

Ramblings on December 26, 2015

Seeing as this is quite possibly going to be my last post for the year, I'll do my best to make it a good one.

I haven't been nearly as faithful with this whole blog thing as I had hoped to be when I first started. I mean, it went all well and good for like a week, but then it went spiraling downhill.

It's kind of like that with most things I try to do, which is kind of discouraging. A couple months ago, I got a brilliant idea. I want to be healthier, so why not go on a vegan diet? I mean, what's there to lose?

It lasted for two days.

Okay, well, why don't I do my best to get straight A's in school so I can raise my GPA some?

I barely passed my classes for first semester.

What's there to take from all of this?

Well, for me, I need to figure out what motivates me. At this point, I feel like there's no point in doing anything if I'm just going to fail at it anyway. But the thing is, how do I know I'm going to fail if I haven't even tried? I'm not motivated to try because I'm sure I'll fail if I try, and if I try, I'm not motivated to go through with it because I keep thinking of what could go wrong.

It's a vicious cycle, really.

What about you? Feel free to comment or something, I'd love to hear from anyone!

You're all awesome.

Ramblings on October 1, 2015

Wow. It's been a while. Hey. How's life?

I'm going to be honest here, school is hell. A complete living hell. There's no reward in it for me anymore. There's just going to be another assignment, there's just going to be another test. I can't wait until I'm able to start working full time.

Along with that, I've gotten really, really depressed. Like the other day I laid face down in the middle of my floor for 2 hours because I didn't have the energy to do anything. I kind of feel like doing that again right now, but instead I'm writing this. Might as well do something to let my feelings out. Not like I feel like I can share how I feel with anyone without being an added stress that I don't want them to have to deal with.

I know everyone says, "Oh, you're not a burden. Just talk to us!" You see, it's not that easy when you believe you're just a worthless piece of shit and think that everyone else feels that way about you, too, and doesn't want to have to deal with your sorry ass. Yes, that's truly how it feels. It's okay if you don't understand. Not many people do.

ANYWAYS, on a bit of a lighter note, I've applied to a bunch of colleges, but on a bit of a less light note, none of them have gotten back to me yet. I'm pretty sure my grades and stuff are too shit to be accepted anywhere. Apparently a 2.98 GPA isn't good enough for anything. But hey, I hear it's easy-ish to get hired into retail without a college degree. Maybe I'll just do that.

Anyway, this was kind of a sad and depressing thingy.

You're all awesome.

Ramblings on August 9, 2015.

Oh hai.

Yeah, I've been internetless for the last few days. My deepest apologies.

Speaking of the internet, we, as humans, are rapidly becoming more focused on electronic interaction than face-to-face interaction. Unlike other people, however, I don't think this is a bad thing. I just think it's something everyone needs to be open-minded about, because, really, it's just a faster version of the postal service. All you people who are older than about 30 (rough number, DON'T YELL AT ME, yes, younger people can understand this too) should be able to see the difference. If you're willing to write letters and talk on the phone but are against social media, you're kind of missing out. But hey, to each their own.

Does anyone out there either agree, agree but with a side note, or disagree with this? I'd seriously love to hear from anyone. Don't be afraid to comment.

You're all awesome.

Ramblings on August 5, 2015

I'm going to be beginning a research project for personal reasons. As I get farther along, I'll keep you guys updated, but I might not post every day on here anymore. I know I've only been at it for like 6 days now, but this project is going to be really important to my mental, physical, and spiritual health. I'd appreciate it if you stuck with me, and I'll try to post as regularly as I possibly can. I can't guarantee anything.

You're all freaking awesome.

Ramblings on August 4, 2015.

There are so many thoughts whirling through my head, and I can't make sense of them all. My brain goes to fast to keep up with itself.

{THIS CENTER BIT HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO THE SHEER EMBARRASSMENT OF THE CONTENT. I WON'T BE DOING THAT AGAIN}

I know not many people read this, but if you're one of the few who do, I'm interested to know if you've ever felt an emotion so strong it hurts because someone else had something happen to them?

Don't be afraid to comment. Please. I'd love to hear from anyone,

You're all awesome.